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i wanted to take a few minutes to share with you the wisest thing my husband has ever said to me (though he has said a LOT of wise things!). when allan and i were on our honeymoon (just over 2 years ago), we had spent some time talking over our hopes and dreams for our married life.
we have a very special book that we write our “story” in (dates to remember, our values and goals as a couple, our vision, really special memories and things we are grateful for…i’ll do a full post on it one day!) – we had just written down some key values and commitments that we wanted to build our new married life on. we were sitting on the balcony of our luxury tent, overlooking a beautiful river at sunset – it was romantic and utterly gorgeous…we had written down things like “peace – laughter – communication – respect”… all beautiful words, needed values for a strong marriage……..aaaaand i was panicking.
we live in a world where it is getting a little harder to find marriages that last the long haul – even Christian marriages! i was looking at these great theories and very spiritual ideals we had written down that I KNEW were good and right and necessary… but then i was measuring myself against them, and i thought, “ok, maybe a month…maaaaaaaybe two months, but there is NO WAY we are going to pull this off for years and years and years and years!” unfortunately, i had a track record of good intentions but bad choices, or the right heart but inconsistent follow-through…and it seemed to me that the most likely scenario would be that allan and i would do great initially, but then it would fizzle out and become a mundane repetition of boring days that are faked for instagram (real talk, people, that SCARED me)!
so…i looked at my husband of 3 days and asked him the question i think a LOT of us ask ourselves many times over in life… “how are we going to do this?”
is it just me? or have you asked yourself that question before?
how am i going to do this? how am i going to organize my kids and my job and my husband and my church life and my workouts and my home being organized so that they all thrive, none falter and i don’t lose my mind in the process? how are we going to fix this hurting marriage? how am i going to get out of debt? how do i face my ex? how will i get back to that strong, beautiful place in my walk with God? how am i going to forgive? how am i going to lose all the weight? how are we going to help our kids? how am i going to grow my business?
that’s where i was…”how are we going to do this?” how are we going to build this awesome marriage? how are we going to be really and truly HAPPY and not low-key miserable together? how is the happiness going to last past the honeymoon, when real life kicks in? how are we going to succeed? how will we build a “model marriage” as was prophesied over us? how am i going to be a patient, loving, gentle, forgiving, responsible, organized wife? i truly felt overwhelmed… measuring me (the “me” i know i am…with all my faults and shortcomings) against the task – well, i just felt intimidated.
but then my husband spoke the wisest words…words that we have built our lives on…our marriage on.
he looked me right in the eyes and said this:
“we are just going to make today good.
we are going to love today. and be creative today. and forgive today. and laugh today. and make wise choices today. we are just going to focus on today.
and when tomorrow becomes today, we will do it again.
because when we make today good – just today – then those good days will turn into good weeks. and good weeks will become good months. and good months will become good years.
all good years are really just a bunch of good days.”
and suddenly…what seems intimidating and overwhelming and near-impossible instantly became so do-able. i don’t know about building a huge-big-great-awesome-strong-wonderful marriage…but i sure can do today. i can be sweet today. i can find energy to serve allan today. i can hug and speak kind words today.
and really, that’s all i need to do… then the years will take care of themselves.
after all, big things are just little things stacked up together 🙂
i don’t know what might be intimidating you right now – but can i encourage you with these words? just make today good. yes, have an end game and a vision and a goal… but that goal is going to be achieved in the TODAY – and if you should happen to mess up, just forgive yourself or others (don’t let the sun go down on your anger)…that way, you’ll only ever have one day of issues to deal with! (allan and i really try to live by this…never let one day’s issues or hurts into the next day – because then you’ll be focussing on today AND yesterday! we don’t always get this one right, but it sure does help to try!). when you have a good today, you set yourself up for a good tomorrow.
since that moment, sitting on the balcony overlooking the river at sunset, i have started every morning by praying, “Lord, help me TODAY. anoint me for TODAY. give me great ideas and grace and strength for TODAY. help me build well and wisely TODAY.”
and do you know what? i look back over the 855 days i have been mrs. rebekah dawn gituthu…and those “just todays” now add up to 2 years, 4 months and some hours… and they have been good! not always perfect, not always easy, not always the best, but SO MUCH easier than i feared it would be. the secret? we’ve just had a good day!